The Hindu marriage, "LAGNA VIVAH" is the bonding of two souls in the matrimonial ceremony, performed according to Hindu religion. However, the marriage, as explained in Hinduism, is an institution of not only two souls (man and woman), but essentially bonding of two families, which after this ceremony holds a special relation. Marriage according to Hinduism is a perfect union of man and woman spiritually, mentally and physically, essential for the procreation and continuation of mankind.

Following are the events which starts off with a search for the marriage partner, through to engagement, registration, and wedding, explained (endeavoured to) in brief.

THE ARRANGEMENT

The word, ARRANGED, when used in conjunction with HINDU MARRIAGE has been totally twisted and its misconcept has given birth to the well known phrase "ARRANGED MARRIAGE", which in Western Society has been further misunderstood as "FORCED MARRIAGE".

In the following few paragraphs I have tried to explain and reason out on what normally happens in the marriage by Hindu ways and customs. The arrangement to fix a marriage of two individuals, is not simply to find a boy for a girl or vise versa by the parents and tell them or as many people believe to force them into marriage. In reality, the parents of the boys and girls usually introduce them to their relatives and friends requesting them to suggest for suitable partner, whom they may have known. This look out for marriage partners is not to suggest for a moment that once a partner is found, the marriage in fixed.

The parents help in finding the marriage partner, but at the end of the day the individual has the choice. There is no pressure or force, infact in a way it is to ease the unduly worries for the individuals. This also does not mean that the boys and girls cannot meet and choose the partners. Infact more often than not it is they who may have met each other during their education or social gatherings and then on their request the parents have arranged the marriage. This request is usually fulfilled, however if there was a reason for parents to disagree, it is normally discussed and possibly resolve to a mutual solution.

Another way to look for partners is, the boys and girls who have intention to marry normally see and informally talk at social functions like weddings, Navratri festivals, parties etc. This may have been pre-arranged by the parents or relations. Once the boy and girl shows interest during this initial introductory meeting, only then and then a further meeting is arranged for them to talk and to exchange ideas of their interest, intentions and future. This may be extended to more than one such meetings. Infact it is quite common nowadays that once they have shown interest in each other that they meet on their own to talk and become more known to each other, and once they are both satisfied with each other's personality, that the arrangement for a possible engagement is made by the parents. Either party at this stage can still free to decline the offer with absolutely no hard feelings.

THE ENGAGEMENT (SAGAI)

This is performed in two stages; firstly, the selected few relatives from girl's side visit the boy's house and perform a simple ceremony, the idea being to accept the boy to be engaged to the girl. Secondly, the close relations from boy's side will visit the girl's house to perform similar ceremony. After this, the boy and girl are considered to have engaged and accepted in the society as future bride and groom. This may last for a couple of months to even a year and more, depending upon the circumstances of the individual parties.

Even at this stage, the boy or the girl has the option of breaking the engagement.

THE REGISTRATION

In between engagement and the wedding, a registration ceremony is usually performed. This is the true marriage in the eyes of the law of this country; and is held in the registration office, where the wedding rings are exchanged and the official marriage certificate is signed and witnessed. A reception is normally held by the bride's parents and can be, a gathering of relatives and friends from either side, as large as two to three hundred people. Normally the bride and groom do not go to stay together after the registration, but stay with their respective parents until the Lagna by Hindu Vidhi is performed.

THE WEDDING CEREMONY (LAGNA PRASANG)

The wedding day by Hindu customs is decided after consulting the priest, who will suggest the day and time of the actual HASTA MELAP, having referred to the religious calender and matched the JANMA KUNDALI of both the bride and the groom.

The preparation for this ultimate event starts months ahead, the most time consuming task being extending invitation to relations and friends, which unfortunately requires visiting cities from one corner of the country to the opposite side. Yet the parents perform this so well with zeal and joy.

MANDAP MUHURAT

The actual ceremony starts with the performance of the mandap muhurat, the ceremony symbolises the beginning of the wedding in their family, which may be three or five days prior to the wedding day.

At the same time the to be wedded are smeared with yellow paste of turmeric powder in oil and perfume. This makes the skin smooth and fairer. The ceremony is performed twice a day and is called 'Pithi'. The relatives and friends gather at the house, each evenings, few days prior to the actual wedding day and sing lagne-geets, which lifts up the occasion and feels joys in the hearts of the family members. Sweets are given at the end of each session as a goodwill gesture.

GRAH SHANTI OR SATAK

This ceremony starts with GANESH STHAPAN, an invitation to Lord Ganesh to be present at this occasion. His presence believes to ensure the smooth running of all the ceremonies and remove any obstacles and brings happiness and prosperity. This is performed by a learned priest. This follows the ceremony of Grah Shanti, which is performed in presence of the parents and the to be wedded with relatives and friends. The priest will tie "Meendhal to the right hand of the to be wedded, which symbolises the emblem of purity. Manek Sthumbh, the pillar of gem, is also bestowed at the ceremony, expressing the sign of good luck and wealth.

At the end of Satak ceremony, the to be wedded's mother's brothers and sister-in-laws (to be wedded's mamas and mamis), with relatives brings the Moshaal, the special wedding dresses (the Panetar for bride and wedding suit for the groom) together with few clothing for the members of the family.

The above ceremonies are held at respective residences of the bride and the groom. It is normal for the groom to perform the Grah Shanti ceremony on the eve of the wedding as on the wedding day the groom with his party comes to the bride's residence, or place of the wedding, hired by the parents of the bride for the actual wedding ceremony.

THE HASTAMELAP

The groom with the wedding procession will be greeted by the bride's relatives at the entrance to the wedding hall, where both parties will exchange typical folk songs to lighten the occasion. The groom and his best man, "the Armania" will be invited to the extensively decorated "Lagna Mandap". Here, in the centre, there is a small rectangular shaped fire-place, called "Chori". The Hindu priest will perform various ceremonies, initially between groom and the bride's parents and or bhai-bhabhi or other close relation couple. The bride who will have her wedding dress and the best make-up will be escorted to the mandap by her Mama. She will take up her seat opposite the groom across the chori. A clean sheet of cloth will be held between them. The priest will perform the ceremony of Hasta-Melap, where the right hand of groom is placed in the bride's right hand, while he is chanting the holy verses. At the end of this the priest will signal the removing of the cloth and the completion is announced by spontaneous beating of the drums (playing of music in modern time) and the ladies start singing from both the parties. The bride and groom will garland each other to complete the Hastamelap. This follows, the ceremony of Kanyadan performed by the priest with the bride's parents, symbolising offering of Kanya (Bride) to the VER (Groom). The ceremony of Mangal Fera, performed by circling round the chori four times both by the bride and the groom, solidifies their marriage and declares them as husband and wife. The congratulation ceremony follows, where the close relatives and friends would queue up to place Kanku-chanla and rice to the foreheads of the couple and give presents.

THE FAREWELL (VIDAIGIRI)

This is where the bride bid farewell to her parents, relatives and friends. The ceremony is very emotional and almost all members of the bride's party will have eyes filled in tears, (joy in hearts). The musicians will play the emotional Vidai song "Babulki duvanye leti ja...." to symbolise the severing her ties with her parental home, and to start a new life at her husband's home.

Jivanbhai G Patel
London.

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